Foot by Foot

Last summer, I went to my cousin DJ's wedding at Crystal Mountain, a truly beautiful spot where I saw the northern lights for the first time. Family weddings have a tendency to be huge (my mom has 12 siblings) and it turns out my favorite people in the world are my family. This picture was taken at the top of the mountain, after a terrifying ski-lift ride over very pointy-looking terrain. Look at that blue sky!

This is my first summer in San Francisco/Oakland. I spend time every day applying for jobs, looking up my friends online (thank you facebook) and hanging out with Chris. I've gotten ONE, yes ONE job interview from all my applying thus far. The interview was this Tuesday, and I think I did well. As much as a person can tell how they did in a job interview, I think I did ok.

My mom is in town for the week, and although she has a presentation to finish today, we're going for pedicures this afternoon. We found her some new cute heels yesterday, so a pedicure is only fair, I think. I'm getting one so she has someone to chat with and help pick a nail color...ok, I'm taking the free pedicure for my myself, ok? Ok!

It's so nice to see my mom, since I've been having a bit of a crisis of belief (in myself) and she doesn't see it that way. My mom is, in fact, my biggest fan, and thinks the writing and art and theater I do is great! Sure, the cliche thing to mention would be that she's my mom and thus obligated to feel that way, but i know a lot of people whose parents simply don't GET what their children try to do in the arts, and don't like them doing it. My mom loves what I do, and that's so good to hear and see when she visits.

I have a lot of unstructured time thee days, and it's been driving me a little crazy. When there's no work to be had, and no creative juices flowing, everything seems darker and suddenly you fear there's no place for you in the world. I've been going to bed early and getting up late, dragging my self-pitying ass around as if the universe is going to swallow me up any minute now, and it's....no....fun. Feeling like a worthless piece of pooh is utterly no fun.

BUT, although i was nervous at first about seeing her while I was feeling this way, having my mom here is a blessing and a delight. She really loves Chris, she REALLY loves me, and she's a woman I admire. She reminded me yesterday that she went back to school at 35 to get her PhD in Accounting, so although it feels like she's had her dream career her entire life, that really isn't the case. It's good to remind myself that we're all trying to find a way to live that makes us fulfilled and happy, and there's no prescribed way that fits all people.

So some days I will have to apply for jobs, hear nothing back, and handle it until the next day. Some times my stomach will feel like a hot lump of stress, and I can handle that too. Looking forward to a pedicure and showing Chris my shiny new nails!