Foot by Foot

Last summer, I went to my cousin DJ's wedding at Crystal Mountain, a truly beautiful spot where I saw the northern lights for the first time. Family weddings have a tendency to be huge (my mom has 12 siblings) and it turns out my favorite people in the world are my family. This picture was taken at the top of the mountain, after a terrifying ski-lift ride over very pointy-looking terrain. Look at that blue sky!

This is my first summer in San Francisco/Oakland. I spend time every day applying for jobs, looking up my friends online (thank you facebook) and hanging out with Chris. I've gotten ONE, yes ONE job interview from all my applying thus far. The interview was this Tuesday, and I think I did well. As much as a person can tell how they did in a job interview, I think I did ok.

My mom is in town for the week, and although she has a presentation to finish today, we're going for pedicures this afternoon. We found her some new cute heels yesterday, so a pedicure is only fair, I think. I'm getting one so she has someone to chat with and help pick a nail color...ok, I'm taking the free pedicure for my myself, ok? Ok!

It's so nice to see my mom, since I've been having a bit of a crisis of belief (in myself) and she doesn't see it that way. My mom is, in fact, my biggest fan, and thinks the writing and art and theater I do is great! Sure, the cliche thing to mention would be that she's my mom and thus obligated to feel that way, but i know a lot of people whose parents simply don't GET what their children try to do in the arts, and don't like them doing it. My mom loves what I do, and that's so good to hear and see when she visits.

I have a lot of unstructured time thee days, and it's been driving me a little crazy. When there's no work to be had, and no creative juices flowing, everything seems darker and suddenly you fear there's no place for you in the world. I've been going to bed early and getting up late, dragging my self-pitying ass around as if the universe is going to swallow me up any minute now, and it's....no....fun. Feeling like a worthless piece of pooh is utterly no fun.

BUT, although i was nervous at first about seeing her while I was feeling this way, having my mom here is a blessing and a delight. She really loves Chris, she REALLY loves me, and she's a woman I admire. She reminded me yesterday that she went back to school at 35 to get her PhD in Accounting, so although it feels like she's had her dream career her entire life, that really isn't the case. It's good to remind myself that we're all trying to find a way to live that makes us fulfilled and happy, and there's no prescribed way that fits all people.

So some days I will have to apply for jobs, hear nothing back, and handle it until the next day. Some times my stomach will feel like a hot lump of stress, and I can handle that too. Looking forward to a pedicure and showing Chris my shiny new nails!

Blue Wednesday

Today we went into the city. I applied for some jobs, we came home, and now there's banana bread in the oven. This is all very exciting, I'm sure.

The creative block continues, although i forced myself to collage (see above) before giving up entirely and turning on Adult Swim. Yes, I'm watching Family Guy as i type my blog. Yes I am comfortable telling the world all this.

Dante and Cormac are collapsed, respectively, on the chair and the couch. Exhausted, no doubt, by the long day of eating and being petted and sleeping and poohing. They are the image of righteous exhaustion.

It's not fair to do one sentence a paragraph, but it makes me feel I've accomplished something.

Ok that one wasn't even a long sentence.

Chris is off biking to working out and i find it difficult to write a brief summary of my daily activities. MY daily activities which as of now do not include any gainful employment. Hence the job search.

I thought if i just hauled off to California, with my heart strong and graduate school chosen, i would somehow seamlessly become a Writer, and published at that. Mistakes were made. Errors occured. I failed my first class. Exciting, eh? And writer's block. Woo hoo. Now I'm intent on at the very least blogging every day. That? I can do.

Job

If we've met, however briefly, you are aware that I hate looking for work. Job hunting is the single most frustrating activity in existence. I'm in a new city, looking for work that doesn't suck.

If anyone would like to hire me to make earrings such as the one pictured above, i'll take the job. Right now. boom.

July 9th, 2010

We had wine with the family and cheeseburgers at a bar, and Chris's surrogate brother is spending the night. All is good, I am living with my best friend who loves me. Yay.

My hair is much longer now than in this photograph. Which I took of myself. Girls like doing that a lot.

I have a headache and I'm going to a boyfriend's-family gathering tomorrow, so I may be getting to bed soon. Not without blogging first, however.

The futon is clean and dry, no thanks to the horrible cat. I have laundry to do and a headache. Have I mentioned the damn headache?

Chris is going to be wearing a button-up shirt. He looks ADORABLE in button up shirts. I'm excited!

OY. Headache. Goodnight.

(a button-up! YAY!)

On the Prowl

I moved to California in December, and since I came here, I haven't yet settled into life. I still feel like this is an extended trip of sorts, a vacation from real life. I live with my high-school crush, and he loves me back. I got into graduate school, like I dreamed. I'm still reeling from all the good fortune.

I have writers block. Writing about writers block is frustrating. writing about writing about writers block is infuriating. Avoiding writing about writers block isn't helping. So I'm going to have to write every day, whether I'm inspired or not. Because I miss how easily the words came to me when i was miserable, and I have no intention of being miserable again, so The Rules have changed. Let's see how this works out, shall we?